Awareness, Children, Identity, Relationships
Reflection on Young Adult Death
A couple of days ago news reached me that my nephew no longer lives. He went missing after an argument with his girlfriend. He wrote to a record producer that he would not be signing the contract he had been waiting for for about six years.
We never properly met. My nephew was in his Mother’s belly at my wedding 25 years ago. Since then, we were separated by a few countries in Europe.
Why would I feel any connection? I know his Dad and his Dad’s parents. I never truly got to know his Mother. I cannot help but feel their deep sense of loss.
How are family and friends to deal with the loss of a loved one, loss of a child, grandchild, friend, idol…?
Such a young life lost, because…? Even if we find out the cause of death, we know that it is just a method of terminating a heartbeat. What we all long for establishing is the intention behind the method — intention, the source of any action.
If it was coincidence and accident, then that’s that. If it was not coincidence or accident, what could be a strong reason to override the instinct to survive?
Is it a reason, or is it a lack of ability to deal with causes?
Any reason can only be the meaning we give it to be, how we perceive it. How aware are we when assigning meaning to things, events, people in our lives?
What truly matters? Collating all the facts? Justifying the reasons, judging? Or healing?
My Great Grandmother had one of her sons murdered. She went to the field where his body lay and brought it home on a cart. Many people and family members were coming forward with information on sighting suspicious strangers, reasons someone could have had, bad intentions, casting shadows of suspicion. My Great Grandmother stood in front of them and firmly declared there would be no inquest. She must have firmly focused all her energy on healing. She was very loving, and I am proud to have met her and remember her taking me to milk a cow. An event I remember like yesterday.
Healing, above all I crave healing.
Identity
Cracking identity.
Pick an action of any organ in your body and keep substituting:
I think, therefore I am.
I heartbeat, therefore I am.
I breathe, therefore I am.
I see, therefore I am.
I hear, therefore I am.
I taste, therefore I am.
I feel, therefore I am.
I digest, therefore I am.
I secrete hormones, therefore I am.
I excrete, therefore I am.
When we define ourselves conditioned on an external factor, and our body is considered external to who we are, we set ourselves up for identity crisis if any of the external factors were to be removed or changed.
What if we have given thinking too much credit in defining who we are? What if we consider our brain to be just an organ with a function to sustain our body? All organs come with some automatic pre-sets, and we can influence every one of them to increase or deteriorate their performance. Our mind, a product of our brain in action, seems to be pre-set to seek security from identity and, if not observed and directed, can identify with external concepts, like thinking.
Thinking is precious and can lead to a great intellect. Indeed the more remarkable the intellect, the better we can respond and perform in this world. We certainly have a good incentive to pay attention to our thinking. Is thinking who we are, or is it just a great tool to use and benefit from? Indeed, there are incentives to get the latest upgrade of the intellect.
To avoid identity crisis, it is a healthy practice to review what we identify with, as we will use the full power of our intellect to defend the assumed identity. Do we want to use our attention and energy to protect an identity that our mind, unconsciously, selected?
How about “I am not my mind.”? Can we get comfortable, safe and secure with “I am.” or “I am that I am.”? Such choice certainly drops the limits of who we allow ourselves to be.
When choosing identity, try picking something timeless or has a lifespan longer than your life in this world. That way, we are less likely to set ourselves up for an identity crisis when the concept dissolves or changes, and we no longer feel like supporting that concept.
Observe that many beliefs about who we are, we assimilated from our environment. The next step is to use that awareness and realise that we can change any of the beliefs that do not serve us. We then transform ourselves, gaining energy and time to invest in what does serve us, what we feel called to fulfil in our lives. The power to change is within us.
